A good laugh: Fruits? No, thanks

May 29, 2017

By Eddy Montilla.

Explanatory Note: The following joke is a made-up story by the author with the sole purpose of providing fun for the readers. Therefore, it does not have the slightest intention of making fun of people for their sexual orientation.

40 years later after their last meeting, some friends are at a bar bragging about how strong they were as womanizer.

“When I was young, I had as many women as grapes you can count in a bunch.” A man said.

“Well, I had as many girls as bananas you can see in a bunch.” The oldest of the group replied.

“And how about you, Frank? They asked a tall and lanky man, well known for his effeminacy.

“Me? He said with girlish voice. “I don’t like fruits!!”

Copyright 2017 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


Let’s talk about movies: The Legend of Tarzan (2016) cannot be told to other generations

August 22, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

Cinema seat and pop corn facing empty movie screen

Rating: 6.0/10

Directed by: Quentin Tarantino.

Written by: Quentin Tarantino.

Genre: Western.

MPAA Rating: R (contain some adult material. Parents are urged to learn more about the film before taking their young children with them).

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson (Major Marquis Warren), Kurt Russell (John Ruth), Jennifer Jason Leigh (Daisy Domergue) and Walton Goggings (Sheriff Chris Mannix).

Running Time: 167 minutes.

A movie can rarely escape from the prevailing trend of the time it belongs to, and today’s trend seems to be fantasy, action and the use of special effects, the application of computer graphics, like CGI (computer-generated imagery), etc. However, any trend, under any circumstances, gives a movie director green light to break one of the most basic and inviolable rules in the movie world: Films must always be directed according to its plot. The remake The Legend of Tarzan (2016) breaks so many times this rule that those who saw the real movie have the right to ask if they had to wait 110 minutes to leave the cinema.

     Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgård) was a baby raised by apes in the heart of the jungle. This very simple, but fascinating idea is the only base of the original film. A simple, pure and human story, quite different from The Legend of Tarzan (2016) in which, because of the computer-generated imagery in the movie, Tarzan looked like another superhero, a Paleolithic version of Batman or Superman, battling alone against dozens of extraterrestrial-looking men.

     The first 30 minutes of this movie were interesting: Tarzan and Jane (Margot Robbie) going back to Congo where they met many years ago for a diplomatic mission, Tarzan trying to reconnect with his roots, etc. are worth seeing. The rest is a canned cliché created according to the film world´s business parameters. If Samuel Jackson (George Washington) had not been there to give the movie some doses of hilarious moments, I think that even Tarzan would have given his negative verdict by adding some words to his classic cry: “Nooooooo mooooore!”

This article was originally published in the digital newspaper World And Opinion with Eddy Montilla.

Copyright 2016 littlethings4all.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


A good laugh: Unwanted kisses

August 5, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

PLUMBER

A man staggers into his house and says: “You look so beautiful, sweetheart! Let me kiss all these moles you have on your thin arms one by one!!”

“Three things tell me that you are blind drunk, sir. First, I’m not your wife; I am a plumber. Second, “these thin arms” are two plungers to unblock your toilet and third, I had never seen a man kissing his own sh..t so happily!!”

Copyright 2016 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


Last Love Poems: She went away…

July 18, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

IMAGE: Eddy Montilla

Image: Eddy Montilla

She went away…

Don’t ask me why.

Don’t the waves do the same after kissing the shore?

Does the moon stay with us every day at dawn?

Birds leave their nests when time has come.

Petals say goodbye to flowers full of hope.

Passion dies when love has gone

like happiness without little things inside.

Water escapes if the soil is dry

and clouds, clouds are blown away by the wind.

Even our friends go away and

the remembrance of them will not stay.

She went away…

Don’t ask me with whom,

because love and freedom take the same path,

but it is always freedom that should go first.

I never think about names, people or places.

If someone exists, he will be there.

It doesn’t make sense to think about him:

It would take up my time,

the time I need to think about her.

I don’t want to imagine how he could be,

I don’t want to destroy all she did.

She went away…

Don’t ask me where.

Any place is perfect when tranquillity is found.

Distance grows over time, but much more over pain.

Who cares about places when there is no love.

Her presence was my compass, the west where the sun sets.

I don’t know where I am. I know where I’m from.

I don’t know where she is, but she will not come.

She went away…

Don’t ask me when.

Any time is good to leave,

to start from the beginning when we reached the end,

to say no when it hurts us to say yes

and to say yes when we don’t have a no.

Yes, she went away…

I also have to do the same,

but with my best smile, without haste,

holding my head high

and ignoring what people were saying.

I cannot walk the same path.

I will not run after her,

after oasis of calm I cannot see,

a cruel mirage that makes me bleed.

Copyright 2016 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


A good laugh: Like father, like son

July 5, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

DONKEY

One day, the lion got all animals with their young together and told them: “We are getting old and going through a difficult time. We need the best of our children.”

“I am good at making holes.” The baby mole said and other animals clapped.

“I am good at climbing trees for food.” The baby monkey said. And so did other young animals about their skills.

“Say something, as…hole!”, a donkey said to his son.

“I am good at being stupid!!”

“That’s my boy!!”

Copyright 2016 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


A good laugh: The truly Hell

June 13, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

Explanatory Note: The following joke is a made-up story by the author with the sole purpose of providing fun for the readers. Therefore, it does not have the slightest intention of making fun of any person for his or her religious convictions.

HELL

On a Sunday morning, a father is reading biblical stories to his little son.

“Dad, does Hell really exist?”

“Of course, son”

“And where is it exactly?”

The father looks at her wife and asks her kindly:

Honey, what is your mother’s new address?”

Copyright 2016 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.


A Good Laugh: The unlucky husband

May 16, 2016

By Eddy Montilla.

Explanatory Note: The following joke is a made-up story by the author with the sole purpose of providing fun for the readers. Therefore, it does not have the slightest intention of making fun of any person for his or her religious convictions.

DAILY ROUTINE

A man is crying inconsolably in a church. A father saw him, come closer and ask him: “What happened to you, grief-stricken soul?”

”My wife left me, father.”

I see. It is painful, but now she is in Jesus’ arms.

No, father, she left me for Jesus, the Mexican, last year and came back soon. Another man, father, another man.

Copyright 2016 littlethingsforall.wordpress.com. All rights are reserved.