(4) Four steps to get along fine with your parents

August 6, 2015

By Eddy Montilla.

Your parents

P.G. needed 62 years to find a good way of reconciling the differences he had with his father, and he could enjoy that moment for 11 days, the exact time his father was in hospital before dying. Perhaps, the entry of this article sounds for you a little bit tragic, but I prefer to see it from a more realistic point of view: P. G was luckier than a turkey on Christmas Eve because when it comes to life, quality surpasses quantity, so the last 11 days of his situation made the difference. And now let’s take a look at the steps:

Step 1: Try to understand and accept your position in your family order

Many people, in particular today’s youth, think that family order is not important and there is no relevance between parents and children once they grow up. “I can decide by myself”, “I am an adult already” and other expressions push you to fight for an “independence” in your house without realizing that family slavery has never existed there. The same problem can be seen on TV programs and movies with their usual plot: Parents are against some absurd ideas. Their children do not pay attention to them and leave home to do all they want. At the end, they get everything and go back home as successful and amazing as Spiderman. There, their parents are waiting to hug them and congratulate them. Movies with the good intention to entertain, perhaps, but able to eliminate the ability to think and value properly, able to eliminate teenagers’ cerebral function and cause decerebration.

Be careful with this situation. If you pretend to be a car and collide with reality, you will burst like popcorn and reality tells us that no matter what you do or achieve, in a family relationship, parents will always occupy the highest rank, and not because they gave you your life, but because they belong to a different generation, which let them have more experience than you do despite your educational achievements. Perhaps your mother does not know how to turn your tablet on; perhaps your father cannot understand an inch of your conversation about technology, but I can assure you that they can be your professor about the most important thing: Life. In your family, you are number 2 and your parents are number 1. That does not put you in a lower position, but in your real place according to the natural circle of life. Time will come when you will be number one. In the meantime, learn from your parent’s experience.

Step 2: Pay more attention to your parent’s good intentions

Every year my father came up with a new idea about some great business, and every year the result was not as good as he expected. And that has nothing to do with his abilities, but his attitude towards people in need led him to give away not only the benefits of the business, but the capital too! Instead of highlighting this problem, my brothers, my mother and I always valued his efforts since all he tried to do was for one beautiful goal: Our family well-being. Do not look the borders, but the center and you will discover that all your parents have done (despite their good decisions or mistakes) is for your own good. It’s true: Many times they have made terrible mistakes, but in general, the intention was good. Two thousand years has passed since that moment and nobody has been able to express this idea in a better and concise way than Jesus when he said that if your son asks for bread, you will not give him a stone, or a snake for fish. If you can understand this idea, you would never be so severe on them, especially when they are getting old and you are an adult.

Step 3: Be tolerant of your parent’s attitude towards you

Before your parent’s eyes, you are and always will be their child no matter how old you are. This perception is retroactive and prospective, I mean it is applicable to the past and future. Many things can only be understood fully when you experience them at the same level. To be a father or a mother is one of them. When you become a father or a mother, you will probably be doing the same things that you criticize today from your parents just because parent’s love for their children does not have limits.

Step 4: As time passes, make adjustments to your relationship with your parents

In the past, social and technological changes were slow and progressive. Today, they are fast and fickle, and that’s why many parents have difficulties to cope with these changes, understand them and handle them properly. Many of them never get this level, not because their ideas are behind the times, but because their frame, their way of thinking corresponds to a different ideological model. If you make adjustments, especially as your parents get old, your relationship will be better.

Finally, something that I have repeated to everybody ad nauseam: There are thousands of people who lost their parents at early age. They would have loved to have the opportunity to spend time with them, no matter how good or bad, saint or evil they could have been. If you were blessing with this chance, what are you waiting?

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