By Eddy Montilla.
You cannot take the end of a stick and leave the other end. If we write “Four steps to get along fine with your parents”, then, to see the situation from the other side, I mean how to get along fine with your children, is something expected. Let’s see the steps:
Step 1: Make your children feel that you are a person who gives sound advice rather than a bossy person who always gives orders
When they are very young, children do many things voluntarily, but when they grow up, almost every task that they are asked to do is carried out reluctantly. Why? Well, you don’t have to buy a book or visit a child psychologist to get the answer: Nobody wants to receive orders. That’s all. Remember how you feel whenever your boss tells you: “Do this and do that!” In general, people hate one-way-position, especially if this position is to obey only. Show them the benefits of doing something instead of giving them direct orders without any explanation. You will see better results.
Step 2: Give time and space to your children
Children need their own space and time to discover and experience many things of life by themselves instead of receiving all things like a manual or an online tutorial. If you are too worried about how much space (“freedom”) you should give them, a good idea could be to demarcate it. However, once you establish the limits, leave them take decisions, explore the physical or abstract area in which you put them. That will help them to develop abilities to deal with new things.
Step 3: Change the way you play and talk to your children as they grow up
You might say: ”We all know that.” And I can say: That is the reason why we don’t do that. After all, we rarely pay attention to things we know, right? A child’s interest fluctuates from hour to hour, from day to day while an adult keeps a static position for his or her interests. If you, as a father or mother, do not make changes, there will come a time when you will not have a “connection point” that lets them play, chat or just spend time together. For example, in the past, you used to go together to a park and play there. Today, your son or daughter prefers to use a tablet to chat with his or her friends most of the time. What could we do? To make the necessary changes and adjustments. These days, teenagers spend more time using electronic gadgets than watching TV. Then, you could use his or her tablets as a focal point for all of you to be together. On that point, ideas are abundant.
Step 4: Do not deny the pass of time
Children need to be looked after by their parents before and after coming to this world. You have to care of them for almost two decades (it is not coincidence that after this period of time they are called adults). During this long period, parents develop some instincts to care their children. The mental and emotional state created by these instincts and their love for their children is so strong that they cannot separated it from their objective thinking. That explains why many mothers do not go to sleep until their kids return home from a party at night or why a father is trying to help his son when is the father who really needs help. The more your eyes show you that your children are adults already, the more your heart will mislead you into believing that they are still children, and therefore, they need all your protection and help. For the good of your children, you have to put these feelings on the right track and avoid emotional distortions. Accept the fact that they are adults already and love the great effort you did to take them to this point.
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