By Eddy Montilla.
To spend the rest of your life with someone with whom you frequently have a quarrel is not a living hell, but… It must be close it! “I don’t understand my husband/boyfriend. What is the problem?” A lot of women have told me. And the problem is exactly the sentence they said, “I don’t understand him”. The problem is that we are only thinking about difficulties in our relationships instead of trying to understand better the person we have at our side. So, let’s see some steps on how to get along well with your husband/boyfriend, and I hope it can serve as a guide to help you have a better life together.
Step 1: Look for synchronization.
A person can get along well with his or her brothers and parents (or if the worst comes to the worst, to put up with them!) just because they have been living together from the beginning. But when two people are together after being adults, the story is different, and once the first years of passion and sexual attraction are gone, the quality of their relationship changes and this situation puts a different complexion on it. For that reason, you have to learn to make adjustments, to put it more clearly, you have to adjust to your husband/boyfriend’s way of thinking and feeling. You have to learn to cede and give up sometimes and request or demand other times. This is to “Synchronize with your partner”.
Step 2: Remember that men are monochromatic.
We lived, are living and will continue living for a while in a sexist society with inequalities against women. In a family where both parents work, for instance, when they get home, she has to cook, pay attention to her children and husband too while he can only think about the baseball game on TV. This unfair condition has only one bright side to look on: It gave women the opportunity to develop an incredible ability to do many things at the same time, that is, they are polychromatic. Men, however, are monochromatic and, in general, they cannot do things simultaneously. It is easy to understand this idea when you ask your husband to stay at home and take care of the children, for example. At the end of the day, he will be tired and go to sleep early. In other cases, you can see him breathing a sigh of relief when he knows that you are at home already. Things are better for men when they can use their way of working: Doing things one by one.
Step 3: Try to understand the affective need of your husband or boyfriend.
The need for affection of men is paradoxically as higher as children’s, but the sexist society we mentioned before restricts the freedom to express their feelings clearly. “Boys don’t cry”, “Men are strong” and other phrases like these ones deeply entrenched prejudices very difficult to eradicate. When it comes to love, a lot of men are laconic; they think they make fools of themselves if they ask for a gentle caress or they just don’t know how to ask about it. So, remember that he will not ask for a caress, for example, but he will be waiting and longing for it. A gentle pat on the shoulder, a loving caress, etc., especially after a long day at work or when things are not going well can improve a lot a relationship.
Step 4: Do not use excessively your resource to insistence.
A typical way for wives and girlfriends to obtain something from their partners or to make them do some task is to repeat and repeat and repeat the same. This old method works for some period of time, but in the long run, it brings more problems than benefits. Men usually need more time than women to think and find possible solutions. They need more time to reflect on things and the implications of their decisions. On this aspect, women have a clear advantage over men. Then, instead of repeating several times: “When are you going to do this? When are you going to do this?” to your husband or boyfriend, it’s much better to try something that encourages or challenges him.
Step 5: Make him see that to be together somehow means freedom too.
It is very difficult to get rid of prejudice or a wrong way of thinking from a particular social context. For example, a lot of men think that the union between a man and a woman means the end of his freedom. This wrong perception has been alive for centuries and if you constantly ask your husband or boyfriend questions like “where did you go? where are you going? Who are you going with? Etc. your questions will only help to make them think that they are not wrong. A union must be based on trust and truth. Besides, constant questions might push him to do what you don’t want him to do. Instead, make him see that his family, home and you means freedom and peace. Make him see that all of you free him of worries about his job and problems. I can assure you that your relationship with your husband or boyfriend will be better from that moment.
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