By Eddy Montilla.
I cannot remember the number of people who I heard saying: “When I have my children, I will not do something like that!” Referring to the way some parents act after their children’s pranks. And years later, when they became parents, they ended up doing the same as others did. Why? This situation can be explained with just one sentence: To carry your friend’s baby and carry yours are two completely different things. Let’s see some steps that will help you on how to educate better your children.
Step 1: Think like an adult, feel like a child
Because they are still too young, children cannot understand well the way this society, created by adults, moves. If you think like your children, you cannot help them at all and the only thing that we would have in the end is another child at home. But if you feel like them, then, you can understand their heart and behavior and you will be in better position to give them guidance on how to understand the society in which they grow up. You can also avoid serious problems since you can foresee what path your child will take in certain circumstances.
Step 2: Be as more objective as possible.
“The grass is always greener on the other side”, the saying goes, but when it comes to your own children, this idea plays a minor role. Parents can easily be carried away by passion and partiality on matters related to their own children.
In the eyes of a mother, her son is cute, good and well-mannered. And this is the problem: Our eyes (and our heart too) are prone to distort our reality to our own advantage. To be objective is very difficult, especially when the center of the situation is your children. However, it is an essential element to deal with problems that your children will have with other children and problems you will have with their parents. For a better understanding of this idea, I recommend you to see the movie “Carnage“, starring Jodie Foster.
Step 3: Don’t forget or delay punishments
Punishments are absolutely necessary for a better education of a child. But, in order to avoid misunderstandings, a punishment does not mean to hit your children to the point that the wound will leave them with a scar, but a method to let them know that we always pay a price for our mistakes in life. If you don’t go to work several times without good reason, you will be fired. You will be fined if you don’t park your car in a legal place. We use different names for these problems…Dismissal, fine, etc., but they are in fact punishments. Then, to punish your children when necessary is painful, but you will save yourself a lot of headaches and will do the same for your children too in the future.
Step 4: Don’t give them all they ask
Even though you have the money to buy and give all your children ask, I don’t recommend you to do that.
This simple question is enough to understand this step. Do you always get whatever you want?
Children should learn gradually that life is like a bag with achievements and failures inside. We just try to put into that bag as many achievements as possible and remember that sooner or later, some failures will come and visit. By giving them all they want, you also create them an unreal world where frustration will be always present whenever they cannot reach their goals.
Step 5: Don’t give orders all the time
You get home in a bad mood because your boss spent all day telling you: “Do this, do that, finish this, finish that with an unpleasant and imperative tone. Well, do not your children feel the same whenever you talk to them in that way? Let’s see…Clean your room! Pick up your toys!
There are always other ways to make your children do these things without constant orders. For example, you could devise a way, a game to put the toys in order while playing and having fun or how about playing together and then pick up the toys together?
Step 6: Communication with your children should be horizontal not vertical
When you talk horizontally, you say your ideas and listen to the others too. Parents should encourage their children to talk and they should be messengers and recipients. You were taught how to talk, but do you remember if someone taught you how to listen? If you can have horizontal conversation with your children, they will trust you a lot because they will know that besides a father or mother, they also have a friend.
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